Questioning the status quo, and RAISING the standard of HIV prevention in America since 2002.
Party Drugs, Alcohol and Negative Emotions
DRUGS, ALCOHOL, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND SAFER SEX - (page 30)
Alcohol and drugs (like ecstasy, K, Coke, T, meth, poppers, bath salts and the like) are sometimes used during sex. They can create a feeling of euphoria, self-confidence and intimacy between strangers, and they also give you extra energy and stamina to enhance sexual pleasure. But sex on drugs can sometimes give gay and bisexual young men a sense of sexual urgency, and can make them change their usual behavior or limitations with or without their knowledge.
IF YOU PLAN TO USE DRUGS AT A SEX PARTY, VENUE OR ONE ON ONE:
PLEASE keep these health tips in mind: NEVER use Cialis or Viagra with poppers together! Both work by opening the blood vessels to allow greater blood flow, and together they can cause HEART FAILURE - even in men who have NO known heart problems. Some parties, venues or one on one sex play can be hot and sweaty - especially if you are in a steam room, sauna, hot tub or crowded playroom. Drugs and alcohol can cause DEHYDRATION. Drink plenty of water, take regular breaks, get some fresh air, take a shower or just relax a bit to cool your body down.
If you are HIV+ or on HIV medications talk to your doctor or someone at your local clinic, and discuss the possible interactions between HIV meds and recreational drugs. Drugs can numb your feeling of pain and if you are being fucked or Fisted (FF), be careful about cuts in or around your ass. Check for blood every now and then and STOP if you see any.
Sometimes, guys become “out of it” or can not hold their own and are unaware of it. If you find yourself having sex with someone who is reaching the tipping point, and he can not make decisions for himself, it’ll be up to YOU to help made the sex safe for the both of you. However, if he is getting worse and might need help, you need to tell the staff so he can get the medical help needed. A good idea is to have a friend or fuck buddy with you who does NOT do drugs as a “designated driver” – for a lack of a better term - and watch your behavior just in case. Moderation is the key - if we can have a designated driver for drinking and driving, then a designated sex partner (who does NOT do drugs) for sex is basic commonsense.
VITALLY IMPORTANT: If we (the gay community) can not take care of ourselves, then the city, state and federal government would be HAPPY to make laws against us. Drugs and sex are OUR problem, so let us take care of it OUR WAY.
SAFER SEX IN VENUES FOR THOSE WITH OR WITHOUT HIV –
Safer sex for those of us with HIV is: Any sexual activity which does not allow semen, blood or bodily fluids to pass from one of us (HIV+) into the bloodstream of an HIV-negative person. For those who choose to Bareback (sex without condoms, unsafe sex, BB), you know and understand the risks involved and should NOT be upset when you contract an STD / STI or HIV. However, an important issue here is that it is OK to have sex with your own HIV status to help physically break the cycle of new HIV transmissions, and to stop the spread of HIV dead in its tracks without expensive medications or their harmful side effects.
Three examples of physically breaking the cycle of new HIV transmissions (Serosorting) are:
1) When an HIV+ gay man has safe sex with another HIV+ gay man, NO HIV-negative person gets infected with HIV.
2) When an HIV+ gay man has unsafe sex (BB or Bareback) with another HIV+ gay man, NO HIV-negative person gets infected with HIV. And
3) When an HIV-negative gay man has safe sex with another HIV- negative gay man, NO HIV-negative person gets infected with HIV.
Just remember this commonsense fact: HIV-negative gay men who BB (Bareback, unsafe sex) will get infected with HIV even if taking PrEP period. However, the success rate of GAY BAREBACK PORN companies is without question, the porn companies match HIV+ to HIV+ and HIV-negative to HIV-negative porn actors.
Online hookup sites have a HEALTH section with helpful information and web links you can consider viewing. As you are beginning to realize, most guys negotiate (communicate) sex without using words. This can lead guys to make assumptions about each other, and not always the correct assumption is discovered! If two guys end up in a room together and begin fucking, it would be easy for them to think “He didn’t ask for a condom - so he is HIV+ also” or “He didn’t ask for a condom so he must be HIV-negative also.” WRONG ANSWER!
DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS it could land you in jail in some states. Discuss your HIV status, ask about his and UNDERSTAND that this is NOT rejection or hate, it’s: Communication, Understanding, Respect and HOPE.
HIV Status Disclosure here in America is marching unstoppably forward, dramatically tearing down HIV Stigma, and communication is getting easier. (See STATUS DISCLOSURE in the glossary.)
Regarding group sex - This can be tricky especially in darkrooms because it can get pretty hot, and it may be difficult to follow exactly what is going on due to the lack of lighting. Someone may go directly from fucking one guy to fucking another without changing condoms or from BB one guy to the next without washing his dick off first. For some guys this is part of the sexual fantasy and a turn on, however this can still cause infections like HIV and Gonorrhea to pass quickly to the entire group. If you are the one getting fucked (bottoming), make sure you see the guy fucking you (the top) use a condom or clean off his dick first.
Otherwise, YOU’LL BE FUCKED OVER in more ways than one.
DEALING WITH REFUSALS AND NEGATIVE FEELINGS / EMOTIONS –
IT IS A FACT OF LIFE: There is a pretty good chance that you are NOT going to have fantastic, hot, life changing sex every time you visit a sex venue - even though you try.
Believe it or not, sometimes you may leave feeling down, unsatisfied or depressed. This could be caused by any number of reasons and here are just a few examples:
* Having sex with someone you would not normally have sex with, and only because he was the only one around,
* Having expectations of making a friend or meeting a new boyfriend, but it doesn’t work out,
* Having great, meaningful sex with someone and thinking it was an intensely intimate experience for you, then he gets up and walks out without saying a word,
* Experiencing a few refusals or not being able to hook up with someone, Being turned down by someone in an embarrassing way,
* Not being comfortable with a guy and unable to just break it off,
Being in a sex venue, party or one on one hookup without your boyfriend’s knowledge or approval, Doing something in “the heat of the moment”, like having unsafe sex or doing drugs, which you regret later.
To deal with these, here are some basic tips and suggestions for your consideration: Be clear before you go to a sex party, venue or one on one meeting what you are prepared to do, what you are prepared NOT to do and who you are willing to do it with. If you are having sex with someone and it doesn’t feel right, politely leave and go to another play area. Use the bad experience to your ADVANTAGE by using it as a LEARNING OPPORTUNITY; think about what happened, how it went wrong and how you might handle it differently next time.
Remember; NOT everyone is willing to Bareback (BB, unsafe sex) or do drugs, so be respectful and considerate of those you are playing with.
Play nice with others.
HIV-negative and NOT taking PrEP?